Do You Really Want to Get Well?

Today on our radio show with Mary Morrissey she gave multiple examples of people (including herself!) who healed themselves of chronic and, in some cases, fatal illnesses. They all began with an intense desire to be well. Her own mother, after reading multiple self-help books Mary had laid out, called her, told her not to assist her anymore and said: “I really want to get well.” Soon she began walking on her own and mesmerizing her doctors.

I thought deeply about that statement: “I really want to get well.” I realized how important that really is. Most of us, and certainly most physicians, just assume that is true and get on to the treatment. However, for nearly all the patients I have seen with chronic illnesses or pain who do not respond to treatment, this simply is not true. They do not really want to get well.

In no way am I blaming the patient or saying they do not want to feel better. I personally know the intense struggle of wanting something deeply, and feeling restrained from moving forward. This is one of the most uncomfortable and confusing positions in which to be. I’ve seen this again and again with patients who continue having pain that disrupts their life, despite undergoing all kinds of treatments to get better. I’ve noticed this in coaching successful women who deeply want to be in a love relationship, but just haven’t been able to make that happen. Always, underneath their desire to be well or to have what they want is an even deeper desire for something else. It is that unmet (and typically unseen) need that must be fulfilled before they can move forward into having what they come to see me for.

For example, Doris came to me after years of unsuccessful relationships to assist her with finding a partner. She was successful in her career, financially independent, and happy overall, but just couldn’t seem to find the relationship she really wanted. She revealed she also carried a few extra pounds and had had difficulty losing weight. We uncovered a deep loathing she had of her body, and a sense of unworthiness. Through coaching, Doris began a new relationship with herself and her body, lost weight and felt a fulfillment she had never known. She realized it was this that she most deeply wanted, far beyond a relationship with a man. Had she found a man first, she would have lost the opportunity to go deeper with herself, and never felt truly fulfilled. At the completion of coaching she felt completely confident in her ability to attract the partner of her dreams, and joyfully anticipated what was to come.

Just last night I personally experienced this in my own life regarding something I’ve passionately wanted to change for years. I was asked if I was willing to let go and move forward and the answer was: No. I was shocked. I almost didn’t allow myself to say it. Inside I thought, “Of course I’m willing! I have to be willing or nothing will change.” Then I heard a voice say: “What is the truth?” and I simply stood for my truth: I was absolutely unwilling to go forward. Since I was sharing this with my husband, he asked me why. Immediately I became aware of intense anger. “I’m so angry,” I said. I absolutely refused to give up my anger, although I could see how it was creating chaos in my life. Having been well-versed in emotional healing, I simply breathed and leaned into the anger. It was immense and overwhelming. I became aware there was also lots of fear. I was afraid I would never let go of my anger and never move forward into the wonderful life I so desired. Sharing all of this was messy and felt so unacceptable. I did it anyway. Before long I felt better and the anger was gone. I even laughed.

Today I feel a greater sense of freedom than I’ve ever felt in my life. The anger is gone. The fear is gone. I have a sense of complete certainty in my ability to have all the wonderful things I’m wanting in my life and I’m completely willing to embrace it.

If you are feeling stuck anywhere in your life. If you have pain or illness that has persisted despite your best efforts. If you struggle to have enough money and can’t seem to get ahead in your finances. If you want to do work you love but are in the same type of job year after year. Then ask yourself, “What is it I really want?” The answer may surprise you. Be willing to hear whatever comes up. It may seem silly, immature or “unevolved”. It may even seem selfish. Let go of judgment and accept it. Then ask yourself: “What do I need to move forward?” You may need to release anger, resentment, or fear. Often these are the hardest emotions to feel, so we distract ourselves and bury them. However, they will be evident. Your body will not lie. Your life will not lie. They will show you exactly where you are stuck. Listen! If you are feeling stuck in any aspect of your life, I cannot say for sure what it is you really need, but I guarantee you are ready for a breakthrough. I am here to assist!

One very powerful way to shift this is to share! I would love to hear your reflections. Begin your process of transformation. Free your health and embrace the life you really want now! Look deeper and ask: “What is it I really want?”

Be well, give your best, and Thrive!
-Dr. Kim


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