Love, Love, Love, What Is It and How Do I Find It?


If you think your love life is only about romance, then you are in for a big shock. There is nothing further from the truth. This important area of your life must be broken down just like the one I mentioned in the last chapter.

The romance people see in their lives usually stems from the movies we see on the silver screen.

Movies target your imagination and they work perfectly. If movies were to show you how a love life really is, nobody would pay to see them, because love lives are not so heavenly unless you choose the right partner.

To do this, your partner needs to have the right qualities for your relationship to last. The qualities you want in a partner are qualities you also must have within yourself.

It never ceases to amaze me how nearly everyone is saying they are searching for someone who is honest, caring, with a good sense of humor and the ability to love unconditionally (amongst other things), but do they possess these qualities themselves?

If you ask them, they will tell you that without a doubt they do, but do they really? If most people are looking for these qualities and most people think they have them, then why are there so many so-called loving relationships ending up in relationship hell?

The reason for this is these people have not worked on themselves enough to attract the same qualities in a person they would like to meet. How can you find someone different than the last person you met if you are the same person yourself?

Unless you change, you repeatedly will be attracted to the same type of person with the same bad habits and qualities all the time. When you change from within first, you will not be attracted to that deadbeat of a person and they will not be attracted to you. You will find you are not even in their space to be able to meet.

Think back to your school days (for some of you it might be many years ago and for some not many at all). Have you ever asked why all the cool kids hang around the cool kids and the nerds hang around the nerds? Could it be that they have so many qualities that are similar? If you wanted to be a part of the cool kids’ scene all you would have to do is change, work on yourself, and you would fit right in?

The same goes for the nerds. If you choose to be in the nerdy environment, you could change, work on yourself, and become a nerd. People often tell me they will not change for anyone and if nobody likes them the way they are, then they don’t care. But why have this attitude if you do want to join a certain group?

Often, these are the people who have few friends and lack a social life. That’s okay if that’s what you want.

My point here is you must first change yourself and acquire the same qualities you are looking for in someone else before you are able to attract the person or group of people you want to meet or join. Otherwise, even if you do meet up with them they likely will not be interested in you. You may have heard of like attracts like.

Why don’t you make a list of all the qualities you are searching for in a mate? Let’s have a look at a few: a good sense of humor, fun-loving, faithful, romantic, non-judgmental. Now, how do you fit in the qualities above?

Take a good, hard look at yourself. If you find you are too biased, ask a friend or trusted relative to help you out and give you an honest opinion concerning these attributes (and possibly many more) to see if you possess these qualities yourself.

When I was single, I decided to use an Internet dating service for a short while. I was shocked to find out how many people were not who they seemed to be.

A huge percentage of the people on the site were looking for honesty in a partner. However they had photos of themselves that were taken 10 or even 15 years prior to joining the site.

They also claimed to be looking for people who took care of themselves but turned up at the first meeting wearing a tracksuit. The discrepancies just went on and on.

Another point I am trying to make is you must find out what these qualities mean to you personally. What honesty means to one person may not be the same as what honesty means to you. For example, some people think if you leave out some details of a story then it is not lying.

They justify this to themselves by saying they are being honest. Except they didn’t tell you the whole truth and in their minds that is not lying.

But you will find if you do it to them, they do consider it lying and arguments begin. (It’s the “alright for you and not for me” syndrome). This in itself is proof they really believe they are being dishonest except that it’s alright only for them.

If you want to find love, first look for changes within before you look at changes in others.

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