A New Kind of Genius

“I’m afraid the patient did not fare well,” said the Genius. My heart skipped a beat.  “Are you sure?” I said, feeling silly; why would he say something like that if he weren’t absolutely sure? “Isn’t there anything at all you could possibly do?” I added anyway.

“I’m sorry. There’s just too much damage from the water,” he replied compassionately.

“So that’s it, then?” I felt like a child.

“I’m afraid so.  I’m really sorry.” He stood there, sort of allowing me a moment.

“No, I understand,” I said, “I know you’ve done all you can. Thank you so much for all of your support.” I felt like I was going to cry. “I’m surprised I’m so emotional,” I said. “I don’t usually get like this over these kinds of things.”

“It happens all the time. People get pretty attached to their phones.”

What was happening to me? I was in the middle of the Apple store, after my toddler had taken my iPhone for a swim in the bathtub. Here I was, overwhelmed with emotion. Was I really sad about my phone?

It’s not like my life is in my phone, after all. I hadn’t actually lost anything. They replaced my phone (thank goodness for the insurance package!) and I was off, but I couldn’t stop wondering: What was coming up for me that was tied into the demise of my phone?

There had been this one touching message I received recently from a special friend, as well as some endearing photos from the weekend. There also was this one video that was very, very important to me…but really Kim, tears?

I looked at what was coming up, and it was all about insecurity -– as in the exact kind of insecurity I’m ready to move beyond. Here it was coming up in my phone exchange: a lack of confidence that I am fully loved and accepted in the world.

I do spend a lot of time on my phone, or at least with my phone. I even carry it around the house with me. When I leave a room, it comes, too. This afternoon I hollered up to my husband to bring it down from the office when we went to the kitchen for lunch. He’d forgotten it, and I huffed. Seriously, I did! I was a bit dejected that I’d be unable to have a “working lunch,” sorting through my emails while I quaffed my tuna and arugula salad.  Woah! It’s only a 10 minute lunch; what was I going to miss?

I realize my phone has become not only my work and emails but also my instant access to answers for any question I have, instant information about anyone I’ve ever met, and instant directions to wherever I may want to go. It’s also my friend. Well, more like it’s my “friends,” as in everyone I know at the touch of a finger nestled snugly in my hand. I feel so secure having them all there, like I’m never alone. Hmmm, so I’m experiencing some insecurity being disconnected from the world, as if that were possible.

I know this feeling well because I have dealt with this more intensely in the past and cleared it up very well. So I knew exactly where to go: within.

This was the same thing I’ve seen so many of my patients experience chronic anxiety over, and here’s The Truth we all need to remember: Our lives and our connections do not lie outside ourselves. Our true connection with the world is not in our technology; it’s in our hearts.

I had learned this years ago when I hired an amazing coach to assist me with some relationship drama I’d been experiencing for years. There I was, after yet another unhappy ending, and I was again searching for “my guy.” I was dating, going out with friends and having fun, but inside I felt dreadfully lonely and filled with anxiety about my loss. This coach taught me something I’d understood for years, but did not yet “know,” as in feel it in my bones: “The most important relationship you have is your relationship with yourself.”

Today, this echoed within me again. I had been searching outside of myself for my sense of security, value, worth. I was aware immediately of what ideas were causing this, and this time it was much more covert and subtle. “Aha!” I thought, “Now I have the key!” I have long since come to know that behind the door of my greatest struggle lies my greatest breakthrough and, Boy! am I ready for a breakthrough! I sat with my emotions, brought my attention back to myself, nurtured my sweet little heart with a gorgeous cup of my favorite luscious tea (Teavanna is directly across from the Apple store!) and remembered who I am.

In the store I met some remarkable women who mentioned they recently were trained in “Tapping,” which happens to be something I’m expert at and teach to doctors. We had an instant connection and the tea lady mentioned she was interested as well, and happened to be a premed student. Wow! We continued talking. Suddenly, there I was in a room filled with glowing new friends. We were connecting over our shared passion for the healing occurring on the planet and the evolutionary changes needed in medicine. It was an instant connection to four “strangers” who instantly became easy friends.  This was my result immediately after going within to nurture myself, sending myself lots of love and support, and remembering:  “as within, so without.” It always works, and sometimes very quickly!

So when you have a sense of anxiety, insecurity or loss –- over your friend, your job, or just your phone, don’t be so quick to reach for the medicine cabinet. Instead, be willing to sit with your emotions, get curious about what you really need, and nurture yourself fully.  It will create for you a sense of acceptance and fulfillment, and –- eventually, a beautiful world filled with loving, connected friends.

I’m here for support!